Meander

[x_los]

There is, in addition to the sickness, a restlessness. I have to get out of here, if only for a weekend. If I go home I can get a doctor's appointment more quickly, and come back sunday night or monday morning in time for philosophy. I can have grandma take care of me and FINALLY get over this malaise, whereas here I keep running at low-level sick and thus am susceptible to continuing attacks.

I have to finish my scifi story- and wow that was just a badly conceived line of dialog from Toby, who'd never make a 'let us open our hymnals' reference- sorry, watching West Wing, anyway, scifi story. So finish it by tonight, tomorrow night at the latest. I can do it. I don't know whether it'll be good. Oh well, can't grow as a writer unless you expose your faults for purging.

I LOVE Lord Marburry, the British Ambassador on this show. Jackass. Charming. Swelling music cue. Hearken to Akira.

Can I do homework at home? dunnodunnodunno. I miss my kids and sleeping with my cat, and my daddy will make me chili and I can get him to make it without meat and we can watch DS9 and I can get away from here because sometimes I HATE it here, the bad food and the cold and the horrible accent-less voices, the nitpicking, expectations, drama, uncertainty and everyone's mood swings and the awkward, awkward conversations. Here is not great for my self-esteem- but that sounds more like my problem than anyone else's. I LOVE my friends here, but dorm life is a bit whelming.

Drivedrivedrivedrivedrive

Gotta get Danny his present- I'd leave now, but I have to stick around for Danny's birthday, I couldn't do that to him.

Ever get the feeling that someone is not just depressed, but is actually a different person from the person you thought you knew? Sharper, less forgiving and emotionally mature? Have they always been like this, though, and you just didn't notice they were? Are you just taking what they say out of context- are they really not that bitchy, you're just overreacting? What's the difference between a phase, a depressed period, SADS, and a personality, and to what extent can you trust your memory in these cases?

Need space. Need clear answers. Need a new fucking fish.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_coherent/]

Maybe the person is devolving (not the word I was looking for) under stress.

[x-los.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but if you've seen them under stress before and always been impressed by how well they handled it? I guess some level of stress is too much, but it does make you question how well you know them.

Want to shower?

[x-los.livejournal.com]

p.s. We showered

[http://users.livejournal.com/_coherent/]

oh, we totally did!

[http://users.livejournal.com/_coherent/]

Perhaps it is the amount of ongoing stress. I know that sometimes I can handle a certain amount of stress very maturely but if the stress keeps up and keeps pushing at me, I eventually crack and become this whiny little bitch who's uberdepressed and incapable of anything. It's rather annoying.

[meaning-full.livejournal.com]

I hope it was meaningful for you both.

(The shower.)

[x-los.livejournal.com]

oh, oh it was