Nothing ruins/improves bad fanfic reading funtime like:

[x_los]

"...would it mean that they'd keep him from what he'd clamed as his?"

He wanted the world to know, so he covered her in clams! Just decoupaged them all over her body as a mark of his ownership! Everyone else was on lobsters, so his clam theme was readily identifiable.

Comments

[shattered-girl.livejournal.com]

Dear one, you should be an editor. It'd just be easier....You could gleefully tear these poor lost children apart.

[x-los.livejournal.com]

I have to NEVER teach. So many children would be turned off English forever. I could never curb my bitchiness, the way I beleive a teacher should in order to provide the most constructive criticism. I'd just be like, this character? Kill him. And the kid would weep a frenzy of weeps.

[shattered-girl.livejournal.com]

Also I am of an opinion that you should write a story about the man who covered her in clams instead of lobsters.

[x-los.livejournal.com]

The Clamming Game
Clam 22
The Clam and I
Clammenestra
Love's Labour Clam
Love's Lobster Lost
A Tale of Too Clammy...

[shattered-girl.livejournal.com]

If I wasn't so fond of you I might suggest to the nice whitecoats you need a short vacation...to a nice safe, tranq'ed out pace.

[x-los.livejournal.com]

...would there be clams?

[shattered-girl.livejournal.com]

Yes...just for you.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_coherent/]

I think you should go with Love's Lobsters Lost. Brilliant.

[x-los.livejournal.com]

It would make as much sense as the orig, swear to god.

[anyhennypenny.livejournal.com]

have you checked your iowa email account yet? b/c if you don't respond to my email, you'll never get the photocopy of that one special passage from that one special nursing textbook i own, and as you can probably predict, that, my friend, would be a crying shame.

[x-los.livejournal.com]

I haven't checked that email since 1982! I don't know that it's even still operable! Nooooooo!

[anyhennypenny.livejournal.com]

Is there an email I actually CAN send the 4-11 to?

You forgot "In Cold Clam"... It would be about red tide's disease, naturally.

[x-los.livejournal.com]

x_los@yahoo.com! Please!

Clam and Punishment. The Silence of the Clams. AmsterClam. (which I finished!)

[anyhennypenny.livejournal.com]

Did you? What did you think?! I really enjoyed that novel, so wry and so British to the point of exsanguination, mmm yes!

Don't forget cinema...
The Village of the Clammed.

[x-los.livejournal.com]

Or music. Clam you feel a little love? Woah, joke just died under me. Wow.


Okay, so all his stuff, i.e. this and the comfort of strangers, is creepy and atmospheric and well written, I reccomend comfort if you haven't read that, btw. The characterization is interesting, but somehow really masculinized? I dunno, I leave with the feeling that I've read a good, well-crafted book and at the same time I'm sort of fundamentally depressed with humans, he's sort of the anti-Foer in that way. I sort of like Garmony's wife, and wish I'd seen a bit more of her as a character I could actually you know, sort of get into rather than pretentious vacant male asshole Rosencrantz and Gildenstern.