Help!

[x_los]

Okay: This is a deeply pleading letter I need to send to a college in response to my own inability to compile and send in forms. I would really love you forever if you took a look at it and commented on unclear sentences, moments of arrogance needing edited, and general suggestions. I just hope to god they write back with more than 'fuck off, reject.'

Dear University of Chicago Admissions Councilor, Last week I received a letter from your admissions staff informing me that I was not included in your conception of your entering class of Fall 2004. I had recently realized that I had neglected to send in my mid-year report as well as complete my financial aid application. Without these forums my application could not even be properly considered, much less rejected on the basis of my performance as a student. With the debris of my half submitted application floating around you, it must have seemed abundantly apparent that I was no longer interested in studying at your institution. This is a conclusion I too easily allowed to be drawn.

My own negligence, lack of knowledge about the college process and incredible whirlwind busyness are each partially responsible for allaying me in my attempts to present myself to you in the most accurate manner possible. I had no conception of what a mid year report was until I realized mine was past due. I apologize profusely for this. The fault rests with me- no matter how abstracted by my course load and extracurricular commitments, I should not have left unobserved the notices you sent me requesting the missing form.

Yet I am curious as to whether if, I complete the application, you might consider it for wait listing, mid year admission, or even admission into the following year? My commitment to studying at your institution is such that I would joyfully resubmit the whole of the application, if you have discarded the parts in your possession. As your entering class for fall is already composed, I understand if you are unwilling to consider the whole of my application, but rather than invalidate my efforts in submitting it to you and yours in reviewing whatever parts of it you already have I would like to know whether it is admissible for consideration at the other times I have just mentioned, or whether I should immediately begin submitting a midyear or transfer application.

Another possible snag in my quest to gain your favor is the haphazard nature of my grades. I am only too aware that a glance that them reveals an erratic performance record, evidence of an intelligent young woman who does not apply herself as well and thoroughly as she might. If, to you, my GPA and class rank make me a poor candidate, too easily passed by in favor of brighter prospects, I ask what I can do to change your mind. If these are indeed your convictions, I am absolutely committed to doing so.

In absence of permission to attend your institution, I will spend a year as a sophomore (my AP credits will provide for that) at an inarguably lesser institution before attempting a transfer to your school at midyear of the beginning of my junior year. I know that admission decisions change with the nature of applicants offered to you by any particular year, but I wonder, if I demonstrated a turning of stripes, a new commitment to earning grades worthy of your institution, you might be persuaded that I have learned the time management and application skills I previous lacked and am now a good candidate for admission? Indeed, it’s all quite subjective, but some word from you on what I could do to gain your approval other than generalized maxims to excel and distinguish myself would be wonderful.

Should you agree to review my application for this year’s class (the chances of this seem infinitesimally small, but I am a constant font of optimism), I would like you to toss out the half-complete request for financial aid. I have come to realize that in our family’s fiscal situation, it is unnecessary to apply for such aid. I’m not asking you to toss it out in hopes of sweetening my pot- I know your admission is need blind. I just want it known that attention to that aspect of the proceedings is no longer necessary.

If you reconsidered and reviewed my application, I am absolutely confident I would do you credit. My passion and tenacious zeal for learning are rare gifts, and what I treasure most about myself- they would make me an asset to your institution. Even as you contributed to my education, I would, in the manner of symbiosis, be adding a unique and valuable perspective to my classes, a demonstrated commitment to activism to my campus. My grades may have been less than perfection in the past, by I am not incapable of rising to greater things on the stepping-stones of my dead selves, and I doubt that my interest in attending your school is exceeded by your most joyous accepted applicants.

 Please contact me at x_los@yahoo.com or call me at 573-999-2072 (collect, if the expense is distasteful to you). I look forward to knowing if you are at all open to what I have put forward. Sincerely, Erin Horak

Comments

[blinkidybah.livejournal.com]

check my lj, but make sure you're signed in. SECRET MESSAGE

Part I

[nacilmeiel.livejournal.com]

Comments suggestions in *- format -* if ok.

I really feel horrible that you haven't gotten into places.

Dear University of Chicago Admissions Councilor, Last week I received a letter from your admissions staff informing me that I was not included in your conception of your entering class of Fall 2004. I had recently realized that I had neglected to send in my mid-year report as well as complete my financial aid application. *-use 'and' instead of as well as/personal comment: getting into college doesn't have to do with filling out finanacial aid (even if you would not be able to go if you do not fill out the forms.. so maybe state it differently-* Without these forums *-forms typo-* my application could not even be properly considered, much less rejected on the basis of my performance as a student. With the debris of my half submitted application floating around you, it must have seemed abundantly apparent that I was no longer *-use 'not' instead of 'no longer'-* interested in studying at your institution. This is a conclusion I too easily allowed to be drawn. *-stick away from passive, just not the way to write letters/also less confusing-*

My own negligence, *- add 'my' -*lack of knowledge about the college process and incredible whirlwind busyness *-use a different word than busyness.. seems misspelled, etc-* are each partially responsible for allaying *-use different word than allaying-* me in my attempts to present myself to you in the most accurate manner possible. I had no conception of what a mid year report was until I realized mine was past due. I apologize profusely for this. *-maybe do not apologize inline.. apologize once. You want to seem apologetic but not overly so (if that makes sense)-* The fault rests with me- no matter how abstracted *-use 'distracted instead-* by my course load and extracurricular commitments, I should not have left unobserved the notices you sent me requesting the missing form.

Yet I am curious as to whether if, I complete the application, you might consider it for wait listing, mid year admission, or even admission into the following year? *- be consistent about what you are asking for. e.g. ask for one thing, then say 'if you can't grant me this, possibly..'-* My commitment to studying at your institution is such that I would joyfully resubmit the whole of the application, if you have discarded the parts in your possession. As your entering class for fall is already composed, I understand if you are unwilling to consider the whole of my application, but rather than invalidate my efforts in submitting it to you and yours in reviewing whatever parts of it you already have I would like to know whether it is admissible for consideration at the other times I have just mentioned, or whether I should immediately begin submitting a midyear or transfer application.

Part II

[nacilmeiel.livejournal.com]

Another possible snag in my quest to gain your favor is the haphazard nature of my grades. I am only too aware that a glance that them reveals an erratic performance record, evidence of an intelligent young woman who does not apply herself as well and thoroughly as she might. If, to you, my GPA and class rank make me a poor candidate, too easily passed by in favor of brighter prospects, I ask what I can do to change your mind. If these are indeed your convictions, I am absolutely committed to doing so. *- They are either going to accept you or not. Everyone has a bit of haphazard grades, etc.. your pithy babbling is pretty much equivalent to 'dog ate my homework' situation.-*

In absence of permission to attend your institution, I will spend a year as a sophomore (my AP credits will provide for that) at an inarguably lesser institution before attempting a transfer to your school at midyear of the beginning of my junior year. I know that admission decisions change with the nature of applicants offered to you by any particular year, but I wonder, if I demonstrated a turning of stripes, a new commitment to earning grades worthy of your institution, you might be persuaded that I have learned the time management and application skills I previous lacked and am now a good candidate for admission? Indeed, it’s all quite subjective, but some word from you on what I could do to gain your approval other than generalized maxims to excel and distinguish myself would be wonderful.

Should you agree to review my application for this year’s class (the chances of this seem infinitesimally small, but I am a constant font of optimism), I would like you to toss out the half-complete request for financial aid. I have come to realize that in our family’s fiscal situation, it is unnecessary to apply for such aid. I’m not asking you to toss it out in hopes of sweetening my pot- I know your admission is need blind. I just want it known that attention to that aspect of the proceedings is no longer necessary.

If you reconsidered and reviewed my application, I am absolutely confident I would do you credit. *-use 'your school' instead of 'you'-* My passion and tenacious zeal for learning are rare gifts, and what I treasure most about myself- they would make me an asset to your institution. Even as you contributed to my education, I would, in the manner of symbiosis, be adding a unique and valuable perspective to my classes, a demonstrated commitment to activism to my campus. My grades may have been less than perfection in the past, by I am not incapable of rising to greater things on the stepping-stones of my dead selves, and I doubt that my interest in attending your school is exceeded by your most joyous accepted applicants.

Please contact me at x_los@yahoo.com or call me at 573-999-2072 (collect, if the expense is distasteful to you). I look forward to knowing if you are at all open to what I have put forward. Sincerely, Erin Horak


My own comments: Your letter is rather wordy. I don't quite know you well enough to determine if this is your writing style or merely a way of wording. However, it is a bit hard to understand and possibly a tad bit long. I wonder if it would be beneficial to conduct your intial inquiries over the phone and also write a letter later.

Remember, admissions officers read letters and letters of stuff.. they really don't want to read something extremely long. While I'm sure you seem to be very special, extreme self-praise seems a bit over the top and I'm sure they've all heard it before. If you've done something unique, say that concisely (but you can still make yourself look really formal and such).

Another thing, financial aid offices and admissions are definitely separate locales (as I am learning much to my dissatisfacation). I would worry more about the midyear report than the finaid application.. although, again both are important.

Part III

[nacilmeiel.livejournal.com]

Schools almost *always* let you reapply the next year if you do not get in. What I would do is call and ask the admissions office and see what their policies regarding that are. That way you have an idea of what their school is about. Admissions people are always impressed if you have something about their particular school.

Most of all, I wish you luck and am perfectly willing to offer guidance (meet me, applying to schools from a very very odd situation) and/or support if you'd like. I know what it is like to have to go through something like this. And if you'd wouldn't mind, I'll give you more ideas/suggestions when I actually get home (not until Monday, I think).

[clio-the-muse.livejournal.com]

To be honest, I'd leave out the whole part about your grades and about the transfer. Short and sweet and they're read the whole thing.

Think about what your goal here: to be make them reconsider your application. Your goal is not to make them like the application, but to make them look at the application. Also then, don't mention transfer - it provides them with an easy way out of having to go over your application again. Make them think of transfer options themselves; you want them to let you into THEIR school and to let you in NOW.

Also, in terms of financial aid, don't make a big deal out of it. If you can honestly afford the school without the aid, don't mention it and let them decide to throw out your application themselves. I promise you that they won't think oddly of it either way, but it sounds confusing "take my application, but throw out the fin aid one, and then...."

If you want, I can go through and line-edit the rest of the letter (I'd be happy to - I spent a good part of my summer last year writing business letters and I'm actually pretty good at it)...just mail it to me (.doc) at misch1516 - at - yahoo.com. Good luck!