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It's bad to bitch about gifts...
Jan. 17th, 2012 01:13 am...but not so bad to if the people in question have pretty much never done it right (even WITH lists) because they don't listen, don't really get you, and don't care. To be fair my grandma means well and is sometimes spot-on.
"Dear UKBA,
In order to clarify why I think the £50 customs charge was incorrectly applied, I provide an inventory of the items I received in the package concerned. It contains ‘Christmas gifts’ from my mom and grandma:
--14 disposable Softcup menstrual pads (not the Diva Cup I asked for--not at all)
--four random used books, apparently family-owned rather than purchased
--five packets of instant pudding, because I once made the mistake of mentioning to my grandmother that England did not have instant pudding
--a packet of Triscut crackers (see above rationale--delicious with cheese at least?)
--one cheap, plastic, and ultimately inexplicable drain unclogger
--one cheap cloth hideous Christmas ornament of dubious provenance, probably hailing from the Dollar Store--sinister looking Santa holding up sign reading ‘gift for you’. I wonder.
--two holiday-themed pens--suspect kinship with Suspicious Claus
--some trail mix, co-mingled with what appear to be some individual flakes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal
--unobjectionable grey tank top, because perhaps they do not make this article in the UK?
--two tea towels (same?)
--abomination of sweater with argyle, ruffles, sweat-suit-cuffed three-quarter length sleeves
--Star Trek pez dispensers (years old gag gift from mother, purposefully abandoned in old country)
--t-shirt with Doctor Who/Portal joke (I do not play video games)
--velour ‘Thinsulate’ gloves, two pairs
--cocoa brand I like (in weird form I hate)
--10 precious pieces of candy from a local and dear factory!!
--awkward new gift book from mother, who has not read a book since The Five Minute Manager, sometime in late 80s
--Literati Challenges (apparently “This game uses S.A.T. words!”)
--iphone: this is probably the item that confused you in the description/upon opening the package, if the rest somehow failed to confuse you. This iphone was in a new box, but it is NOT new. It is an old ‘3’ model, my own, purchased in the US and, since I left, apparently ‘enhanced’ by 13 year old little brother with games, ‘cool’ skull sticker. Sticky, unimpressive. We got this phone for one US cent when my brother upgraded his plan. It is an old model, with no space, some cosmetic damage, stuff clearly loaded onto it, and, as I said, it has a ‘cool’ skull sticker now, that will never come off. It cannot connect to UK networks, and is now essentially a paperweight. With a skull sticker. I do not know why it was sent.
I could not sell all of these items together for the $79.75 my family paid to ship it, let alone the additional £50 Customs has charged me to receive my bounty. Due to the nature of the items, it would be exceptionally difficult to find receipts for all of them. I can, if necessary, attempt to provide estimated values for similar items. If the fee kicked in because my grandmother, Mary Jane, insured the package, then I must protest that she would and has insured a trans-Atlantic pair of socks, for their inestimable value. It is, apparently, a ‘surviving Depression Era’ thing. I am not a wealthy woman. Please rescind this charge.
Thank you,
Erin"
I AM ALMOST WILLING TO SEND IT. WILL I BE WHEN ACTUALLY AT THE PRINTER/POST BOX TOMORROW? WE'LL SEE... I'm lying about having owned it--it's old, but it was Sam's, never mine. It's just they might think that constitutes an EXPENSIVE GIFT!! or something.
EDIT: just to clarify, I'm 90% sure I'm not sending this. What if it reached someone w/ no sense of humor? What if the customs guy found it bitchy and not funny/thought I wasn't taking his job seriously and didn't refund me? Heeeeeeeell no. I *might* provide a snark-free straight-up inventory of the items, because I think it'd help/be what they want (also that in and of itself is funny). But also--I think it'd be funny.
"Dear UKBA,
In order to clarify why I think the £50 customs charge was incorrectly applied, I provide an inventory of the items I received in the package concerned. It contains ‘Christmas gifts’ from my mom and grandma:
--14 disposable Softcup menstrual pads (not the Diva Cup I asked for--not at all)
--four random used books, apparently family-owned rather than purchased
--five packets of instant pudding, because I once made the mistake of mentioning to my grandmother that England did not have instant pudding
--a packet of Triscut crackers (see above rationale--delicious with cheese at least?)
--one cheap, plastic, and ultimately inexplicable drain unclogger
--one cheap cloth hideous Christmas ornament of dubious provenance, probably hailing from the Dollar Store--sinister looking Santa holding up sign reading ‘gift for you’. I wonder.
--two holiday-themed pens--suspect kinship with Suspicious Claus
--some trail mix, co-mingled with what appear to be some individual flakes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal
--unobjectionable grey tank top, because perhaps they do not make this article in the UK?
--two tea towels (same?)
--abomination of sweater with argyle, ruffles, sweat-suit-cuffed three-quarter length sleeves
--Star Trek pez dispensers (years old gag gift from mother, purposefully abandoned in old country)
--t-shirt with Doctor Who/Portal joke (I do not play video games)
--velour ‘Thinsulate’ gloves, two pairs
--cocoa brand I like (in weird form I hate)
--10 precious pieces of candy from a local and dear factory!!
--awkward new gift book from mother, who has not read a book since The Five Minute Manager, sometime in late 80s
--Literati Challenges (apparently “This game uses S.A.T. words!”)
--iphone: this is probably the item that confused you in the description/upon opening the package, if the rest somehow failed to confuse you. This iphone was in a new box, but it is NOT new. It is an old ‘3’ model, my own, purchased in the US and, since I left, apparently ‘enhanced’ by 13 year old little brother with games, ‘cool’ skull sticker. Sticky, unimpressive. We got this phone for one US cent when my brother upgraded his plan. It is an old model, with no space, some cosmetic damage, stuff clearly loaded onto it, and, as I said, it has a ‘cool’ skull sticker now, that will never come off. It cannot connect to UK networks, and is now essentially a paperweight. With a skull sticker. I do not know why it was sent.
I could not sell all of these items together for the $79.75 my family paid to ship it, let alone the additional £50 Customs has charged me to receive my bounty. Due to the nature of the items, it would be exceptionally difficult to find receipts for all of them. I can, if necessary, attempt to provide estimated values for similar items. If the fee kicked in because my grandmother, Mary Jane, insured the package, then I must protest that she would and has insured a trans-Atlantic pair of socks, for their inestimable value. It is, apparently, a ‘surviving Depression Era’ thing. I am not a wealthy woman. Please rescind this charge.
Thank you,
Erin"
I AM ALMOST WILLING TO SEND IT. WILL I BE WHEN ACTUALLY AT THE PRINTER/POST BOX TOMORROW? WE'LL SEE... I'm lying about having owned it--it's old, but it was Sam's, never mine. It's just they might think that constitutes an EXPENSIVE GIFT!! or something.
EDIT: just to clarify, I'm 90% sure I'm not sending this. What if it reached someone w/ no sense of humor? What if the customs guy found it bitchy and not funny/thought I wasn't taking his job seriously and didn't refund me? Heeeeeeeell no. I *might* provide a snark-free straight-up inventory of the items, because I think it'd help/be what they want (also that in and of itself is funny). But also--I think it'd be funny.
