Arbor Day? Dick inna Box!

I HATE As You Like It so much. It must be the worst Shakespeare play ever written. I think Torilus and Cressida might actually suck LESS than As You Like It. Even the distinct possibilities of As You Lick It: The Rosalind and Celia Prequel can't hold my attention through its agonizingly labored development. And the Hymen, God of Marriage, shows up to wrap the ending from nowhere. Hymen God of Marriage can fuck off! Where did he come from? He was a deus ex machina minuis a machina! There was absolutly no need of him, and he's in one scene and says nothing important or funny.

Merchant of Venice was just kind of terminally wierd and unfunny. Here it is in 5 minuites.

(Venice)

Jessica: Bye Dad. I'm just going to take the engagement ring mom gave you and trade it for a monkey. That's cool, right? I mean, that's roughly the ring's monetary equivalent. In terms of monkey.

Schylock: Well, that is about fair-market value for turquoise on the monkey exchange. Wait, back that thing up, WHAT?

Jessica: Bye!

(Belmont)

Portia: It's too bad no one's invented the Klan yet. I'd be so there. I would bake you enough cookies for the KKK bakesale to choke every slave your grandpappy owned, and then I'd make the sweet tea for them to wash it down with. I'm just saying.

Antonio: You're going to get your comeuppance when you figure out how gay Bassanio and I are for each other.

Portia: Still spitting on Locks of Love in the market place?

Antonio: Maybe.

Portia: I think a good STFU is in order, Antonio. It's convenient to be really nice when nobody expects courtesy to go beyong the Circle of the Guido. But nothing funny's happened yet! Nerissa! To the inevitable cross-dressing scene!

Nerissa: It was all well and good before we were married, but now that we're formally attached to men maybe these kinky schenanigans should end, Porshe.

Portia: DO YOU QUESTION MY BELMONTOSITY?!

Nerissa: ...I'll go rut arround the Room of Unconvincing Beards and see what I can dig up.

(in Venice)

Shylock: Die, daughter-stealing punks! Monkey! SO MAD! Mad enough to forsake money for a piece of your ass.

Bassanio: Hey! Antonio's sweet ass is all mine. Guidos before hos!

Nerissa: That's a triffle disconcerting. Or it would be if I weren't pretending to be a man none of you knew. Er, bros loving bros, it's so not gay! I just got some with Not Nerissa in the cloat room myself! Onto the Legal Mastery! Shylock, now you're poor and Christian. Are you a black man? 'Cause I just owned you.

Shylock: Later. I have some serious thowing up to do.

(Back in Hellmont)

Portia: It was MEEEEE! MemememememeandnerissaME!

Assembled: 'kay.

Portia: And we're back in Belmont, where everything is splendifferious! Yay! Aren't we all just so happy?!

Antonio: My boyfriend's never going to have sex with me again.

Bassanio: Help.

Nerissa: Grazzanio doesn't love me as much as the male sphere of action without me bitching him into doing so.

Grazzanio: I feel curbed.

Shylock: I'm not in this scene.

Moor: Nor am I, I took my black power back to Africa, where I learned to hate whitey with some self-respect.

Shylock: Um... about hating the Italian Man... can I come?

Moor: Not a chance, Jew.

Jessica: No one's talking to me. I'm kind of culturally allienated now. And, er, forever. And no one really respects me. And I'm beginning to think that Portia and I maybe formed the basis of the play Wicked. Glenda can you hear me?

Portia: WE'RE ALL SO HAPPY! And scene!

Arbor Day? Dick inna Box!

I HATE As You Like It so much. It must be the worst Shakespeare play ever written. I think Torilus and Cressida might actually suck LESS than As You Like It. Even the distinct possibilities of As You Lick It: The Rosalind and Celia Prequel can't hold my attention through its agonizingly labored development. And the Hymen, God of Marriage, shows up to wrap the ending from nowhere. Hymen God of Marriage can fuck off! Where did he come from? He was a deus ex machina minuis a machina! There was absolutly no need of him, and he's in one scene and says nothing important or funny.

Merchant of Venice was just kind of terminally wierd and unfunny. Here it is in 5 minuites.

(Venice)

Jessica: Bye Dad. I'm just going to take the engagement ring mom gave you and trade it for a monkey. That's cool, right? I mean, that's roughly the ring's monetary equivalent. In terms of monkey.

Schylock: Well, that is about fair-market value for turquoise on the monkey exchange. Wait, back that thing up, WHAT?

Jessica: Bye!

(Belmont)

Portia: It's too bad no one's invented the Klan yet. I'd be so there. I would bake you enough cookies for the KKK bakesale to choke every slave your grandpappy owned, and then I'd make the sweet tea for them to wash it down with. I'm just saying.

Antonio: You're going to get your comeuppance when you figure out how gay Bassanio and I are for each other.

Portia: Still spitting on Locks of Love in the market place?

Antonio: Maybe.

Portia: I think a good STFU is in order, Antonio. It's convenient to be really nice when nobody expects courtesy to go beyong the Circle of the Guido. But nothing funny's happened yet! Nerissa! To the inevitable cross-dressing scene!

Nerissa: It was all well and good before we were married, but now that we're formally attached to men maybe these kinky schenanigans should end, Porshe.

Portia: DO YOU QUESTION MY BELMONTOSITY?!

Nerissa: ...I'll go rut arround the Room of Unconvincing Beards and see what I can dig up.

(in Venice)

Shylock: Die, daughter-stealing punks! Monkey! SO MAD! Mad enough to forsake money for a piece of your ass.

Bassanio: Hey! Antonio's sweet ass is all mine. Guidos before hos!

Nerissa: That's a triffle disconcerting. Or it would be if I weren't pretending to be a man none of you knew. Er, bros loving bros, it's so not gay! I just got some with Not Nerissa in the cloat room myself! Onto the Legal Mastery! Shylock, now you're poor and Christian. Are you a black man? 'Cause I just owned you.

Shylock: Later. I have some serious thowing up to do.

(Back in Hellmont)

Portia: It was MEEEEE! MemememememeandnerissaME!

Assembled: 'kay.

Portia: And we're back in Belmont, where everything is splendifferious! Yay! Aren't we all just so happy?!

Antonio: My boyfriend's never going to have sex with me again.

Bassanio: Help.

Nerissa: Grazzanio doesn't love me as much as the male sphere of action without me bitching him into doing so.

Grazzanio: I feel curbed.

Shylock: I'm not in this scene.

Moor: Nor am I, I took my black power back to Africa, where I learned to hate whitey with some self-respect.

Shylock: Um... about hating the Italian Man... can I come?

Moor: Not a chance, Jew.

Jessica: No one's talking to me. I'm kind of culturally allienated now. And, er, forever. And no one really respects me. And I'm beginning to think that Portia and I maybe formed the basis of the play Wicked. Glenda can you hear me?

Portia: WE'RE ALL SO HAPPY! And scene!

Annoyed by pun, pleased by secret identity

I just now got the 'House and Holmes' pun. Now I'm pretty damn sure the things I've been thinking about the show are intentional and not theoretical. Cute, producers. Cute.


Also, brief sharing of a loft betwixt Wilson (Who was Caludio in Much Ado? Who knew.)and House cements it. The appearance of the hispanic equivalent of of Mrs. Hudson rocked my world. They start attending the Turkish Baths or any Americanized modernization thereof and I die. Also, apparently the finale of season 2 is The Dying Detective, reworked as The Man With a Cap In His Ass, basically. Love this show.

Your results:
You are Catwoman

Catwoman 90% Green Lantern 85% Spider-Man 80% Hulk 80% Supergirl 62% Wonder Woman 62% The Flash 60% Iron Man 60% Superman 45% Robin 45% Batman 35%

You have had a tough childhood, you know how to be a thief and exploit others but you stand up for society's cast-offs.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

Annoyed by pun, pleased by secret identity

I just now got the 'House and Holmes' pun. Now I'm pretty damn sure the things I've been thinking about the show are intentional and not theoretical. Cute, producers. Cute.


Also, brief sharing of a loft betwixt Wilson (Who was Caludio in Much Ado? Who knew.)and House cements it. The appearance of the hispanic equivalent of of Mrs. Hudson rocked my world. They start attending the Turkish Baths or any Americanized modernization thereof and I die. Also, apparently the finale of season 2 is The Dying Detective, reworked as The Man With a Cap In His Ass, basically. Love this show.

Your results:
You are Catwoman

Catwoman 90% Green Lantern 85% Spider-Man 80% Hulk 80% Supergirl 62% Wonder Woman 62% The Flash 60% Iron Man 60% Superman 45% Robin 45% Batman 35%

You have had a tough childhood, you know how to be a thief and exploit others but you stand up for society's cast-offs.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test