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Feb. 17th, 2006 05:10 amA day to smother oneself on. Work looming, got into minor fights or generally got irrationally irritated with nearly every friend I have. Slept through a class on accident (canceled due to this misserable killer ice storm, thank goodness), embarassed myself in front of someone I was just meeting online (who's hopefully too socially autsitic to care, but still), did bad bad BAD in a game against Annie and nearly burst into hysterical stress tears when ProblemBot made a move that made no sense. Have I really learned anything about this in the last year if I'm still capable of massive mistakes? I'm not looking for coddling, I'm just scared and tired and angry. Trying to do work this weekend and not even glance at anything chess related, as I think it might make me even more anxious, locking myself in my room and working before I claw friends eyes out for looking at me too loud.
I cannot do anything right lately! I feel physically weigthed by my stress, like I'm wearing a lead lined x-ray jacket that I can't get off. I wanted to get Ben to observe a tournament tomorrow with me, but he hasn't called me back, I forgot to cancel the hair appointment so there'll be a fee, I need to do something for Danny's birthday but I have no money, and I cannot find my fucking mac classic install cd.
German test, which I'll D in at best, and paper Tuesday, and absolutley sure I fucked up a quiz for Med Sexuality today by misdefining the medieval understanding of Meretrix (I said a sort of brothel over-seer, in actuality any woman held in common, closer in understanding to a sexual orientation than anything else), and by the way I got into a fight in that class's discussion today which I'm sure made me look ridiculous because I have all the ability to articulate my point in an intelligent, succinct, intelligible manner of Anne Coulter. I can't stop sleeping, hours and days go by and I'm sleeping, waking up and dazed or sleepy and dazed. And now I can't get to sleep, and I just don't want to be conscious right now. Pot with Colin just made me melancholy, then nervous and I had a scary, paranoid walk home where I thought shaddows were following me and crunches in the ice were suspiciously close.
In other news certain early sumptuary laws required prostitutes to wear silken red riding hoods, and so perhaps the Little Red Ridding Hood fairy tale is even more a coded discussion of women's sexual options than the Angela Carter fairy tales led me to believe.
I cannot do anything right lately! I feel physically weigthed by my stress, like I'm wearing a lead lined x-ray jacket that I can't get off. I wanted to get Ben to observe a tournament tomorrow with me, but he hasn't called me back, I forgot to cancel the hair appointment so there'll be a fee, I need to do something for Danny's birthday but I have no money, and I cannot find my fucking mac classic install cd.
German test, which I'll D in at best, and paper Tuesday, and absolutley sure I fucked up a quiz for Med Sexuality today by misdefining the medieval understanding of Meretrix (I said a sort of brothel over-seer, in actuality any woman held in common, closer in understanding to a sexual orientation than anything else), and by the way I got into a fight in that class's discussion today which I'm sure made me look ridiculous because I have all the ability to articulate my point in an intelligent, succinct, intelligible manner of Anne Coulter. I can't stop sleeping, hours and days go by and I'm sleeping, waking up and dazed or sleepy and dazed. And now I can't get to sleep, and I just don't want to be conscious right now. Pot with Colin just made me melancholy, then nervous and I had a scary, paranoid walk home where I thought shaddows were following me and crunches in the ice were suspiciously close.
In other news certain early sumptuary laws required prostitutes to wear silken red riding hoods, and so perhaps the Little Red Ridding Hood fairy tale is even more a coded discussion of women's sexual options than the Angela Carter fairy tales led me to believe.
